Is It Just Plattsy?

By Plattsy


Hiya-hiyucka boys and girls.  It’s your ol’ pal, Plattsy The Clown.

Plattsy hasn’t been around for a while, yes.  Well, forget all those stories you heard about Plattsy being hauled off to Gitmo.  (Those VIPR guys have no sense of humor.  As if Plattsy could fit an atomic cannon inside his clown car with fifty other bozos.  Plattsy will only humorize, never terrorize.)

Is it just Plattsy or have you ever noticed that when President Obama is on TV talking about innocent people being killed he never drones on about it?

Speaking of drone strikes, local radio “personality” Ducky Drake at WIRY 1340 is gonna to retire in June.  So who’s gonna handle public relations for Plattsburgh's mayor?  Ducky is still making noise about the Plattsburgh Public Library (PPL), going on that a new director hasn’t been found yet for that fine institution.

The other day he said whenever the library finally hired another director it should emit a puff of white smoke like the Vatican when it elected a new pope.  Oh, that Ducky – always blowing smoke posteriorly up his listeners.

He also said that people were gathered outside the library, anxiously awaiting the announcement of a new director.  So how many people are gathered around WIRY studios waiting for the announcement of who’s gonna replace him?  Or maybe they stand within 50 feet of the station because that’s the only way you can pick up WIRY's tremendous AM signal.

Ducky is famous for immorally – oopsa, immortally – calling for the complete shutdown of PPL, letting other libraries do the job.  People ask why he seems to hate the city library so much.  Some say it's because it can't read: that's why he's never seen around PPL.

Heya, that's not nice.  Ducky does an OK job on air reading portions of Press-Republican newspaper articles as if the stuff is original WIRY news reporting.

Wait, what’s that sound?  I see something outside my window, up there in the sky, heading this way.

Plattsy’s gotta run – to his Cold War era bomb shelter.