A Kick In The Fanny

Sameer Reddy doesn’t want to me wear a fanny pack.

Who is Sameer Reddy? Got me. From what I gathered from some quick Googling, he is some short of fashion expert for Newsweek. I don’t know if he’s related in any way to an Indian cinematographer with the same name or an Indian actress named Sameera Reddy.

Anyway, I don’t have the time to research a bio for Sameer Reddy. I’m assuming that he isn’t a put on, even though his stuff reads like it should be published with the other satirical articles in The Onion.

Recently Reddy wrote an elitist – and essentially useless - column for newsweek.com, Putting the Chic Back in Dressing. Reddy wants Americans to dress better. He points to the stereotype of the American tourist: “a loud, chubby sight-seer wearing a fanny pack, baseball cap, printed T shirt, jean shorts and sneakers.”

His advice: ditch the sloppy clothes, especially the fanny pack. He promotes the oxymoronic style called “casual chic.”

I don’t tell other people what to wear. That doesn’t stop me on commenting on how stupid some people look. I think ties are stupid. So-called well-dressed people with a non-fuctional cloth cord wrapped around their necks. For what? A least a hat keeps you protected from the sun, cold, and rain. But if you’re comfortable with a tie constricting your collar, fine by me. Don’t expect me to wear one of those damn things.

I believe in comfort and practicality. I wear a fanny pack because I have back trouble. One trick I learned was not wearing my wallet in my back pocket. Sitting down with a thick wallet in the back pocket shifts weight to one side, causing stress, aggravating back pain.

So what reason does Reddy offer for Americans to dress better, at least better in his eyes? Barack Obama – known for “his elegantly simple and straightforward wardrobe and manner” - becomes president on January 20th. Therefore, we all should imitate his style.

Reddy observes: “Comfort has its place, of course, but if that becomes the guiding value in getting dressed—or anything else—then we've got a problem. This misplaced priority has arguably contributed to our current troubles with credit, education and productivity.”

I see. Individualism = the collapse of civilization.

Follow the chic leader. Dress proper. Use strict discipline when clothing yourself. After all, schools that make all their students wear uniforms are better – it’s a scientific fact. So follow the leader, surrender to gray uniformity, and improve your inner being. It worked for the Hitler Youth.

It’s too bad that Sameer Reddy wasn’t around in the 1930s to dictate what Americans should wear. His advice to President Franklin D. Roosevelt: ditch the wheelchair. An ungainly accessory, Reddy would’ve sniffed.