You'll Be Soyry

One of the major green consumers of soy-based wiring.

© 2017 Luke T. Bush

PLATTSBURGH CITY, NY – 1/13/16

I just love all green products.  For example, take my low-flush toilet – please.

An invention intended to save water.  Less water per flush means a great benefit to the environment.  And if the water system becomes privatized, it means greater profits for a greedy corporation.

I enjoy the way my low-flush unit saves so much water.  Unlike a real toilet – one sitting, one flush – to prevent clogs I have to break my throne time into multiple segments.  Too much material at once and unsanitary water floods the bathroom floor.  So I have to flush five or six times.  A multiple flush procedure avoids twenty or more whams on the toilet plunger to get things flowing again.

The march to green product supremacy continues.  As reported recently in the local daily (news)paper soy-based Xmas lights were used to light up the Big Tree downtown. 

The Big Tree owes its continued existence to being decorated for the holidays each year.  Environmentalist and former mayor Dan “Axeman” Stewart wanted that tree chopped down because it was blocking the view of deteriorating buildings in the area.  Xmas lights kept the blade at bay.

The tree is impressive, perfectly cone-shaped like the heads of certain city leaders.  It looks great without the Xmas lights.

I noticed the other evening that some of the lights were out.  Why?  Thank the hungry squirrels.

Rodents just love feeding on soy insulation and components.  Major auto companies like Honda are facing class–action lawsuits from customers who don’t want to spend thousands of dollars to get their cars running again. Of course if cars don’t run that’s less harm to the environment: less pollution created, less fuel consumed.  How environmentally-friendly can you get?

In the meantime Plattsburgh City can’t afford new lights so it’s cut-and-splice back together time.  That’ll save big $.

One option is coating the tree with predator urine to scare away the squirrels. Sounds olfactorily delightful. Of course if this option doesn’t work that means more money pissed away.

Soy-based wiring is indeed green – as in greenbacks.  The lawsuit against Honda stated:

"(The automaker) has turned this defective soy-based insulated wiring into another source of income for Honda and its dealers by charging aggrieved vehicle owners for repairs or parts to deal with the adverse consequences …that Honda should have covered under warranty in the first place."

Go green.

When December rolls around make sure to hug your Xmas tree adorned with soy-based lights.  Be careful not to disturb the squirrels – or the rats.