Saturday, September 25, 2010

Schwarzenegology Opens Up Cosmic Can Of Metaphysical Worms

How can a man grunt monosyllabically when he has no air to breath?

Such a puzzling question was posed Saturday evening at the Plattsburgh Public Library. Those in attendance were treated to a rare erudite event of phenomenological proportions when Professor David Fuller, FoBS, lectured and held forth with his field of expertise. (Indeed, Fuller is a man out standing in his field. Alone.)

Fuller was the honored guest of the movie-critiquing club, ISMST3K, before its presentation of the film d'art, Hercules In New York, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The distinguished scholar provided a dynamic dimension to the film with his short talk on Schwarzenegology.

What is Arnold Schwarzenegger? A man, a myth, or quantum conundrum? How can one safely grok the mind-boggling concept of that steroid android known by the appellative "Schwarzenegger?"

Schwarzenegger transcends reality from his reality-bending use of English, Fuller pointed out, to his primitive one-syllable communications that defy physics. Using PowerPoint to power his points, Fuller showed a scene from the movie, Total Recall, with Schwarzenegger grunting in a vacuum.

No one knows how a cat produces a meow, added Fuller. Such a phonological mystery also surrounds Schwarzenegger. What biological origin could be behind such a power to utter caveman sounds sans vocal chords or air?

Such details were held in everyone's mind during the viewing of the movie like a Hulk posterior vapor emission . But some people in attendance were shouting rude comments pertaining to the action projected on the silver screen. What was that about? A cinematic classic such as Hercules In New York can only be abysmally appreciated by a state of awed silence.

For more information about the movie-critiquing and scholarly research organization ISMST3K, one may avail oneself to contact Caleb Mosher at or by checking out the society's Facebook page here. Its meetings are usually held the last Friday of each month at the Plattsburgh Public Library circa 7 PM.

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