Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy Holidays At City Hall?

Political Analysis By Plattsy The Clown

Plattsy sez:

OK, no one wanted me as mayor of Plattsburgh. You voted for someone else. Hopefully you chose the right tool for the job. And considering the others tools who have run this city, maybe your decision was the best one.

But at least this blog recognizes my political genius and has hired me to provide incisive insight into local governmental activities, hammering away with my Clown Hammer of Truth.

So did the gang at Plattsburgh’s City Hall have a fun holiday season? I doubt it. The city is facing a financial crisis, drowning in red ink. Taxes are going up again, a double digit hit. To borrow a line from Jimmy Carter, a great malaise hangs over this city. Actually, it’s more like a great miasma, but this time it ain’t from the sewage treatment plant.

It’s been stated that Hollywood is high school with money. Well, Plattsburgh is like that but on a different level: it’s kindergarten with money.

I mean, how childish can some people act? There has been an accusation that the mayor-elect has a spy in city hall, providing classified data to the press. This top-secret data is the salaries of the municipal department heads – you know, what is called public information. The chief fiscal officer dealing with the books says there is a plant in her office; she alleges that this other city employee has been listening in on her phone conversations. (Hey, lady, why don’t ya get a scrambler system on your line?)

You know, the only leaks city hall should be concerned about are with its toilets.

Meanwhile, the head of human resources is suing the city, saying that his position was cut down to part time because he filed a sexual discrimination complaint on behalf of another employee. He’s hired some a big gun lawyer who works for a monster firm, Godzilla, Kong, Gamera and Bambi, whatever its name is.

And let’s not forget another important component of the City Hall Gang, the Common Council. At one council meeting a citizen stated that she would rather vote for a little brown dog than any of the councilors now in office.

So because of the city’s financial fiasco, you’ll see some fresh faces on the council after the next election. They’ll be furry. The trouble is, the new councilors could be bribed with treats. But least they won’t leave large elephantine messes behind like their predecessors.

The circus that is Plattsburgh will go on.

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